So I’ve been wondering: As you may remember, this summer Amazon instituted its “real name” system. The program “encourages users to append to their product reviews the name that appears on the credit card they have registered with Amazon. A logo saying ‘Real Name’ appears beside such customer comments.”

Reading Amazon’s explanation of the program I noticed that there are other “badges” in the new system, including Top Reviewer badges and badges identifying Community Forum o4 participants (aka the Focus Group Guinea Pig badge). The badge that really sticks out, however, is the “the” badge:

This badge indicates that the person to whom it was granted is “the” celebrity most people associate with that Real Name. For example, when you see “the” below Jeff Bezos’s Real Name on one of his reviews, you know that the celebrity founder of Amazon.com wrote that review. This is a permanent badge.

What interests me is wondering what criteria are used to establish who gets to be “the” and who remains “real name.” As you may recall Anne Rice enjoys a colorful relationship with Amazon. She’s also a regular customer reviewer. You might expect, her being a famous gal in the world of books, that her reviews would be accompanied by the “the” badge. But no, she’s only got a “real name” badge.

Is Jeff Bezos really more famous than Anne Rice? Is he more “the”? I understand that as the head of the company his name is convenient to use as an example, but I’m genuinely curious about and entertained by the idea of who qualifies for “the” badge. Would Dave Eggers? Stephen King? If John Grisham, then Scott Turow? Do you get to be a “the” after Deborah Solomon implies you’re a pedophile in the New York Times Magazine (“Yes, I’m ‘the’ Christine Schutt.”)

I’d love to see a list of the “celebrities” famous enough to qualify for the “the” badge who are also, um, sitting in front of their PCs late at night writing Amazon reviews. “The” Cher?