Not timely but funny*, an excerpt from “Costumes I Have Worn: A partial inventory and brief analysis,” also by Wendy McClure:

Costume/year: Sylvia Plath (post-mortem), 1992
Consisted of: Housedress; bathrobe; blue lipstick; crumpled drafts of poems in pockets; suicide note pinned to front; can of Easy-Off oven cleaner.
Advantages: Total English major snob value; also, way comfortable.
Limitations: You really can only say “Daddy, Daddy you bastard, I’m through,” so many times before it gets old.
Unexpected benefit: Even drunken frat boys knew better than to mess with a chick carrying a can of Easy-Off. …

Costume/year: Cathy from Flowers in the Attic, 2005
Consisted of: Ballerina outfit, with tutu appropriated from store-bought sexy-witch costume; cobwebs; blond wig with simulated tar and bucket affixed to it; basket with various props, including powdered donuts; precious ballerina music box; and two blond dolls representing growth-stunted twins.
Advantages: Imagining oneself as a tragic forsaken aspiring ballerina woman-child accused of committing filthy sins and confined to an attic is always loads of fun.
Limitations: Trying to drunkenly summarize the plot of the book to people who haven’t read it.
Unexpected benefit: Actually getting to commit filthy sins in a tutu.

The last time I dressed up for Halloween I went as an Aging Ballerina, which was pretty much amusing & meaningful only to me, it turned out. I wore a leotard with socks stuffed down around my belly like low-lying breasts, a fake tiara pinned on askew, snowed hair, high rouge spots, and an extreme overapplication of mascara. I tried to look dogmatic and high-strung and like I might at any moment pounce on you to a) reminisce mawkishly about my glory days dancing Giselle in the Corpes Russes or b) cry, “Who cares if your feet are bleeding? DANCE! DANCE!” Unfortunately, I think it came off as Would-be Sexy Ballerina Who Has Had One Too Many.

The best costume I saw out this year was a Bearded Lady, which was simple but wonderful. Such a luxe chestnut beard she had!

* In defense, we just ate the final Milky Way snack bar leftover from Halloween tonight.